So I placed a "guess my weight" on my Facebook page yesterday to see what would happen.
You see, many people hide their weight and would never tell people the number. I think that is a little silly, because it's not like you can hide how you look...but then again, you've all known my weight since it was 285, so maybe I'm immune to feeling weird about people knowing that.
Or maybe, just maybe, part of me knows that walking around weighing "heavy" but looking the way I do today might encourage someone not to give up, nor to let the number on the scale define them.
Because it is just ONE factor in a series of many health numbers that should mean something about your overall health.
And today, I'm healthier and more fit than I was when I was 16 years old and about 25 pounds lighter.
So back to the game. Here is the picture I posted on my FB page:
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| Weight guesses from my Facebook fan page: 140, 162, 150, 165. Actual weight in this picture: 187. |
I snapped this photo last Thursday, which was day 30 of my most recent Whole 30. I was actually a little ticked off when I took the picture. I had ambled onto the scale after finding it in the closet and dusting it off...and it was not nice to me. I got off and back on a few times, truly in disbelief. 187? I mean, I had watched my body transforming, what had happened? 3.4 pounds lost in 30 days with all of that hard work? Unbelievable.
The way my clothes were fitting, the way I felt, I could have sworn I lost 10 pounds, easily, if not more.
But alas, I did not.
So I snapped this picture before my workout and wondered, how do I weigh this much and look like I do? Now, please don't misunderstand, I am NOT where I need to be yet, NOT saying I'm done, but I DO NOT hate the way I look right now. Do I look perfect? No. Am I skinny? Nope. (**not a look I'm going for anyway truthfully). Do I have work to do still? Yep.
But I don't loathe my reflection. When I look in this mirror, I see strength. I see perseverance. I see a girl who is a mere shadow of who she used to be.
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| Ah, the purple shirt picture. From June 2009. Weight 285 pounds. I remember how miserable it was on this trip fitting into rides at Dollywood. Walking all day almost killed me. A river almost swallowed me up as I laid like a turtle on my back on the inner tube. Shirt was a 3x. Capris were size 22. |
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| Sometime in 2009. That shirt was a 3x in the first 2 pics and the pants a size 22. The one with me playing the guitar is actually from Thanksgiving the year before - when my brother posted it on Facebook and tagged me I immediately removed the tag I was so embarrassed. |
I'm not who I was. I'm also not yet who I will be. I see curves in my current picture, and even if all of them are not as my body was designed to cling to, they are still part of me...for now. I came to terms with the fact that I will never be one of those girls who is a size 2. It's not how I am shaped. There is nothing wrong with people who are shaped that way. I'm glad for them if they are healthy! {hint - they pick on themselves too, by the way. life isn't perfect for a "skinny" chick. And by the way, don't pick on them for being skinny - it's not fair for us to get upset when people call us fat, but we can make fun of skinny people? What if they can't help it?}
But I will be the healthiest version of me I can be. Regardless of the number on the scale, which again, only accounts for ONE piece of the puzzle.
In looking over my macros for the month, remember, I did track my food which you all know I hate to do and won't do forever, but for informational purposes. Turns out I lost exactly on track with what my Fitbit predicted. My overall macros weren't crazy, but my content needed tweaking. Too much fruit and fat, not enough protein and veggies was the overall verdict. I still saw results but they were halting and limited. Well, duh.
So I've tweaked again. Shooting for a high protein number (1 gram for each pound of my goal weight) each day, increasing veggies and decreasing fruit. Leaving the RX bars in the cupboard (while they are high in protein, the figs/dates make them also very high in natural fruit sugar). Saving sweet potatoes only for days with extra strength workouts, and only in the meal just after my strength session.
The way I'll be eating is really pretty much whole 30/paleo (learn more about how I eat HERE). {If you are new to my blog this must be said: my main disclaimer/vent about paleo eating is this - a great number of people eat "paleo" but don't necessarily eat healthily. Meaning they do 80/20 and their 80 is just ok, low carbish with minimal veggies, and their 20 is junk food. A healthy diet in my opinion and from my experience includes LOTS of veggies along with a good amount of protein and some fruit. Veggies at every.single.meal. Of the green kind. OK rant over.} I also considered adding black beans in and I still might, but only if I think I need them. Right now, I'm not convinced that I do but leaving my options open so not calling this a "whole 30."
I've decided to do two week checkins - so I will weigh and measure in two weeks, though the strength program I'll be doing is a 30 day program. In two weeks if I'm jonesing for a "treat" then I'll have one. By the way - I'm also going to be walking a great deal! I used to poopoo walking as I didn't feel like it was a good enough workout for me (NOW - remember, I started this whole journey walking!). BUT walking is very good for fat loss I'm learning, especially immediately following a strength workout. So walk I go.
I officially start Monday as I have a 5k already scheduled for Saturday. This week I'm tooling around with my food, figuring out numbers, practicing kettlebell moves and being thankful that even though I'm not at my magic 160-165 range, I am not sick feeling, unhealthy girl I was 5 short years ago.
I'm made new. And I get to be made new as many times as it will take to get it "right." With that I'll leave you with one of my new favorite songs that kicks off my workouts these days. It reminds me that I'm not alone in this fat fight, and that I can be made new each day, with each workout, each good food decision and each prayer I send up for the strength to keep on keeping on.
Made New by Lincoln Brewster
Peace,
Clara
