Saturday, February 7, 2015

Chasing My Plans

Hey all!

Last month I wrote all about plans vs. goals and how 2015 would be one of plans.  I'm super glad I didn't set actual goals, as January did NOT turn out as I had planned at's a recap.

I did GREAT the first two weeks, staying on track with my strict paleo during the week and a few paleo treats on the weekends.  I traveled the first two weeks and kept up fairly well with my exercise plans when I had enough sleep which is always a challenge with unpredictable levels of bed comfort in hotels.  My eating stayed on target and my co-workers who were traveling with me commented on how "good" I was being.  I don't consider it good, it's just me doing what I planned.  Period.  One colleague caught sight of my 25lb kettlebell when I was checking out of the hotel, since I was driving it wasn't in my suitcase (I strap them in for safety in the car).  Most people don't really know what a kettlebell is so I was surprised when she said, "Wow, you must be dedicated lugging a kettlebell around with you!"  I told her it wasn't a heavy one and she lifted it up and said, "Uh, yeah it is."  Perspective, my friends.

The following week I did take Fred (yes, I name them, Fred and Wilma are my 25lb kb pair) on the trip to Baltimore and had a few funny things happen.  First, I realized that where I parked at the airport meant I had to go up an escalator with my huge checked bag (full of a kettlebell) and my 2nd bag (SW lets you bring a 2nd bag for free which is great as I brought a ton of clothes as I wasn't sure what I needed in MD in January!) AND my purse/laptop bag.  I was afraid of falling down the escalator (I have a story of getting stuck on one as a girl scout when I was 7 and scratching up my shins trying to escape) but I managed.  On the way home I actually dropped my 2nd bag on the way back down and me and the guy standing people watching watched it roll down the empty (thankfully) escalator then I was only able to kick it off at the bottom.  LOL!  I swear if people just watch me there's free entertainment.

Anyway I managed to stay on task food wise and exercise wise on this trip and felt good.  On the way home I was really tired, but understandably so.  Landed in Atlanta on Thursday around 2:30pm, got almost stuck in the parking garage as the automatic credit card payment machine wasn't working.  It was freezing rain and I didn't want to stop to eat but got a kombucha, rotisserie chicken and some sweet potato chips for the ride home (not a good idea - I eat the entire bag and they make my stomach hurt!).  I pulled into the driveway and suddenly realized I had a fever.

Yep, the group of safety patrol kids, that against my better judgment I followed into the restroom had infected me with the plague (this is my theory anyway). Couldn't have been the airplanes, hotels or 75 people from 14 different Assisted living communities that could have infected me. :) Had to be the safety patrols.

Next afternoon made it to the dr and began the tamiflu.  Yeah, I skipped the flu shot this year and while I heard it wasn't 100% effective still probably should have gotten it.  Oops.  Spent the next two weeks absolutely lethargic, nauseated, and feeling like I had died.  Went 8 days without going out in public.  I had to be re socialized and the opportunity to bite someone was high.  We all survived.

But I still felt bad.  Of course, once I got sick, my eating well kind of went out the window.  Not 100% but I didn't feel like cooking, or teaching my husband to cook me paleo food, though he did try.  I just felt like crap and focused on survival. I began to worry something else might be wrong - I mean, I had tamiflu, a zpack and was still feeling like I had died.

Was I pregnant?  Oh crap.  Sure enough my next cycle was 5 days late and super short (the one last month was 2 weeks late).  Hmmm...

Went to my doctor and she did a bunch of bloodwork which was all fine (and confirmed I was NOT pregnant) but we both felt like there was "something" in the right side of my pelvis.  The next week I experienced pelvic pain, discomfort, continued nausea and exhaustion.  I was referred to my ob/gyn to do an ultrasound and see what this "thing" was.

Now you know, living with a brain tumor, I don't typically freak out about possible health issues.  I remain what I call realistically positive.  I am a woman of faith, I've seen God do some incredibly amazing things in my life.  I've seen Him answer prayers the way I fervently prayed and in ways I couldn't have even pictured. I've also witnessed God answer prayers in ways I did not anticipate.  Sometimes He says no.

But this time, I was actually deep down pretty scared . I'm about to be 36, having hormonal symptoms that were pretty scary and went from feeling like a fabulously fit albeit "bigger" girl to a couch potato in a matter of weeks.  How could the flu really do this to me and have me down THIS long?  I mean, I had heard it was bad, but this was ridiculous.

I managed to get an appointment this past Wednesday to see my specialist in Macon for the pelvic pain.  I was in Atlanta for work and headed down to Macon for the afternoon, trying to keep my mind busy and off of what I thought was going to be an inevitably poor diagnosis.

She did an exam and didn't feel anything significant on the right side.  Both sides (ovaries) were sore but she said it was likely just ovulation given where I am in my cycle.  The ultrasound confirmed the same.  There are some cysts, and sign of maybe even older cysts that had burst, but nothing out of the ordinary.  Except what they could see of my gut in the ultrasound.  Apparently my gut is very very unhappy which can mirror pelvic pain as it's basically "lower half" pain.

Being on antibiotics for pretty much the past 3-4 weeks (my 2nd dr visit showed a sinus infection so I started a new round then) basically has left my gut with ZERO good bacteria, which is needed. Ah, this is why people take probiotics...


Also, my eating has been off track the last 2 months really.  Since Thanksgiving and my "intentional pumpkin cheesecake treat that turned into migraines and being off track for 8 weeks" I hadn't really gotten a grip on my binging.  I felt like I was eating well throughout the week but as always, one "treat" meal turns into a "treat day" turns into a "treat weekend" and even a paleo treat hangover on Monday. life. The struggle folks.  It's REAL.

Eating poorly for that long has thrown my ENTIRE system off! Not only is my gut unhappy, my female system got all screwed up, ovulation HURTS and I ended up with a freaking cancer scare!  Is it entirely to blame on eating?  No, absolutely not.  I had the flu and it kicked my tail.  But I know had I been eating Whole 30 during this time I might not have gotten as sick or for as long.  I hadn't been on an antibiotic in almost a year! And here I am, periods all off, sick as a dog and wondering "what could be happening to me?" 

DUH!  Do you remember a few years ago, before I found paleo, my period went away for 8 months.  Like TOTALLY gone.  I took a zillion pregnancy tests though I was on the pill at that time.  My ob/gyn at the time said it was likely just having been on birth control for a decade.  She said you may have endometriosis, but there's no point in exploring that, doing surgical testing, etc., if you aren't looking to have more babies right now.  And I wasn't.  So I left it alone. We also wondered if my physical activity could have halted my cycle.  Who knew?

I do know this, and not sure I've ever shared this, but the FIRST month I did a Whole 30 my period came back after it's hiatus.  I was sort of happy to see it.

Think nutrition doesn't affect your hormones/female cycles?  Maybe for you it doesn't.  For me?  IT DOES.

So 14 days ago today I started another Whole 30.  My 7th (I think? haha) in 2 years.  And I feel good.  I'm bloated, and now taking a probiotic to heal my poor abused gut.

Some of the feeling bad was that vicious cycle that got me to 285 pounds in the first place some years back. I had developed sleep apnea due to how large my neck had become.  So I was always exhausted. Too tired to exercise.  No exercise equaled no energy.  No energy meant too tired to exercise.  It's a bad cycle and too easy to get caught up in it.

All the feeling bad I've done this last month has once again put me in that place.  So I decided, when I left the doctor's office this past Wednesday, that I needed to get back to my activity level.  Start lifting weights again.  And running some (sorry Nate) and of course, walking.

I'm chasing my plans, yet again.  Readjusting based on circumstances.  PRAISING GOD that I don't appear to have cancer or anything seriously wrong with me.  In awe of the fact that continues to prove itself to me over and over again, that IT ALL STARTS WITH FOOD.  It really, truly does, folks.  For me, anyway.

I am about to go do my Simple and Sinister workout, second KB workout in the last 3 weeks.  Then going for a run with my little girl.  No idea how far we will get but if I can eek out a slow steady 2 miles I'll be super happy.

Ready to feel like myself again.  And taking control of that as I WILL feel like myself again.  It is amazing how much control I actually have over that. That line of thinking that things are just "happening" to me doesn't apply right now.  Sometimes, I realize, it does. But right now?  It does not.

I'm creating the plans that will equal results right now.  I know what to do, how to do it, and you know what?  I'm doing it.

Thanks for listening to my super long diatribe - I hope it inspires you to take the reigns back.  Chase your plans.  DO something.  Stop thinking about it.  Stop making excuses about it.  Stop letting life happen to you.