Saturday, April 20, 2013

Memorial Miles

Hey friends! Wow, what a week in our sad, fallen world.

It was tough watching the coverage but like a bad car wreck, you just had to look.  I held my baby girl extra tight on Monday night and let her fall asleep on me.  The image of the little boy, Martin Richard, has just haunted me.  How many times has my family waited for me at a finish line of a race?  So many. Never at a race as big as Boston's, but still.

When will we ever feel safe again?

When tragedy like this hits, I feel literally nauseated.  I could not watch the Sandy Hook coverage as I was almost vomiting over it.  It's been worse as a mother, but I know part of it is that being a person with Empathy (Gallup Strength # 5 for me) I literally can FEEL what other people are feeling.  I sobbed when Elizabeth got home from school that day and she knew something was wrong.

I didn't cry alot this week.  I was just stunned.  And sad.  And wondered when the other shoe would drop.  I prayed alot.  I had to travel for work, so when I turned on the TV on Thursday morning and saw the news about Waco and the explosion, I just stopped and prayed again.  And was glad to get home to my family again.

So much tragedy in such a short week. 

I can't do much to help.  I feel helpless and hate that.  But decided on Friday I would run in memory of Boston on my lunch break.  I did my T30 weights workout and took it easy on the lunges knowing I was heading out for a 3 mile run, which right now is challenging as my mileage has been lower as of late.

I didn't do a warm up walk as I was already warm.  Instead, I started running as soon as we got outside.  Each mile was for a different victim (at that point I didn't know about the police officer who had been killed later in the week).  I put my running playlist on shuffle.

My first mile was for Lingzi Lu, the Boston University grad student who was here from China.  I spent that mile praying for her family and asking God to show Himself to them, as they grieved for their lost daughter.  I prayed for healing for her friends and family.  What a beautiful girl with her life cut short.  I noticed the beautiful spring blooms around our town and could only imagine that she was a gentle, kind person.

My second mile was for Krystle Campbell, a 29 year old restaurant GM.  Everything I've read about her was that she was full of spunk and life.  A beautiful redhead who was always there for everyone.  I have to believe she was a fun loving person; all of the songs that came on during my 2nd mile were old Zumba songs that are fun and energetic.  I couldn't help but smile.  I prayed that her influence would be positive on those who knew her and that the love of the Lord would touch her family and friends during this terrible time and they would remember what they loved about her forever.

My third and toughest mile I ran for Martin Richard, the 8 year old boy who lost his life.  His beautiful smile was all I could see as I pushed through a tough run in the 86 degree full mid-day heat, up a hill of course.  I wanted to stop but made myself push through.  I prayed for his family and his young friends who are all grieving. I also prayed for the healing of his mother and younger sister, also injured in the attack.  I prayed their family could feel safe again.  Martin's mile was my toughest mile but that beautiful smile kept me moving.

As I finished that last mile, I began to sob.  Which was hard as my breathing was already irregular.  All the sadness from the week finally caught up with me.  I had forgotten how cathartic a run in honor of someone else could be.  Sometimes crying is just as cathartic.

Here is the song that happened to be on as I finished:  Beautiful by Group 1 Crew

I felt it appropriate.  All three lives were beautiful.  God made them all.  You may not like hearing this, but God also created and loved the men who created these bombs and murdered the innocent.  They just don't know it.  I'm praying for them and their families too.

And then yesterday I couldn't get this song out of my head Beauty from Pain by Superchick.  God will somehow bring beauty from this tragedy.  I just know it.

Now for an update on my journey.

Here's my fitness for the week:

Monday - T30 weights workout on my lunch break.  2 mile run with a friend that night.
Tuesday - travel/rest day
Wednesday - 50 minutes on the elliptical, hill workout
Thursday - 2 mile run with a friend.
Friday - T30 weights workout on my lunch break and 3 mile memorial run.
Saturday - 2 mile run with friends.

My nutrition has been on point.  And the scale is showing that! I weighed in at 194.0 this morning.  That's 31.6 pounds down from January 1.  Woohoo!  Back to 91 pounds lost total also.  That feels great.

In about 9 pounds I'll be back to where I was last year...but not stopping there.  I made myself a spreadsheet and am hoping I can see consistent loss of around 5-8 lbs/month until I'm done with the losing, then I'll keep moving and eating right so I can stay healthy and fit. Not much will change, I just know my body will stop losing when it reaches where it is happy.  I'm thinking that will be 165 but we'll see.

Funny thing is when I weighed 194 before I wasn't in the same shape I'm getting now.  My shape is different and changing I think because my nutrition is 100% right and my exercise/activity is including regular weight lifting.  I need to find some heavier weights...will be looking around this week for those. 

In the meantime, I won't forget what has happened this week.  I have this feeling I'll be running for them again, especially for little Martin who has captured my heart so.  I truly felt like he was with me yesterday and had goose bumps for most of the run, which was odd as it was HOT outside. 

I'll be looking for ways to encourage people not to give up or be afraid to live our lives because something "could" happen at anytime.  God has a plan and sometimes pain and tragedy is allowed in order for transition of that plan to take place. I have lived that myself a few times over, but never to the extent of those affected forever this week.

We also need to focus on the good that we saw everywhere.  Complete strangers saving each others' lives and being there for one another.  In Waco, TX, a nursing home was destroyed and there were reports of nursing home staff shielding the residents with their own bodies to protect them.  How amazing to see the true human spirit come alive in absolute tests of our resilience.  That, my friends, is what our country was founded on and what gives me hope about our future.  That, and my faith that my God has not left us nor foresaken us.  Even this week, He's there.

Hugs to you all,

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Being a Patient Grasshopper

Hey all!

Sorry it has been a few weeks.  Crazy schedules, then my mother in law was in town last weekend and then my week this week was nuts.  Getting the blog updated before I get another fun filled day started around here.

Things have been going well!  I stayed 100% on track even with my mother in law in town last weekend.  This is a huge deal!  She found my strategically placed "It Starts With Food" book on the coffee table and also was interested in the recipes in Well Fed.  So we spent the weekend talking about nutrition, enjoying each others company and whipping up some amazing W30 approved meals.  She tried my zucchini spaghetti, the Well Fed Bora Bora Fireballs (amazingness) and also from Well Fed we made Jicama home fries.

Jicama looks like a rutabega or another kind of root, but its known as the "mexican potato."  I cooked the heck out of it - 18 hours on high in the crock pot covered in water (diced up first).  Then I pan fried it in coconut oil with the seasoning and it was AWESOME!  Still a little like an undercooked potato.  lol.  I think I'll do the full 24 hours in the crock on high next time and go from there.

I'm really enjoying trying new veggies and recipes.

I got a little discouraged this week because the scale hasn't been very friendly to me.  I'm not gaining, but haven't been losing.  Been at 197.8 or 198.5 for a few weeks it seems.  I analyzed my nutrition and think I figured it out - I needed more veggies.

It's not that I'm eating anything I shouldn't, but I definitely need more veggies overall.  I stopped eating them at breakfast regularly and that sets the tone for the day. So I'm adding them back into my mornings - even if its just on the side and not mixed in with my eggs. 

I did that for a few days and voila, the scale started moving again.  I'm down to 196.4 this morning!

What I've found is when I lack the veggies, I end up retaining more water and getting bloated. 

I also need to not get on the scale every day.  That's another mistake I've made lately, I have started weighing daily again.  Ugh.  I need to stop.

So I am going back to weekly weighins starting today.  I will NOT weigh until next Saturday morning, post-run. 

It won't be that hard this week as I'll be gone for work from Tuesday - Friday.  BUT that means I've got alot of prep to get myself ready to be on the road again.

It's working really well to carry food with me when I'm on the road, which if you know me, you know is just about weekly now with my new job.  I travel with carrots, hard boiled eggs, avocado, larabars (blueberry is my current fave) and of course my olive oil and balsamic vinegar.  I have found myself being so set in my nutritional ways that I am not at risk of getting off track.  I just eat this way.  Period.

I don't feel deprived, I don't long to eat this or that.  It's wonderful to have completely reset my palate.

I made my own olive oil mayo this past weekend. I've made it before but wasn't sure what to use it for.  Now I made it and used it for chicken salad which I have really enjoyed.  I also realized I don't really miss creamy dressings, etc., as I haven't had any desire to make my own ranch dressing from it, which I could if I wanted to.  Sigh.  The positive changes are amazing here.

Planning continues to be key.  So does consistency.  And patience.

It's really tough to be patient when I still have ~30 pounds to go and I have been at this for so long.  But it took me almost all of the 4 years to get my nutrition dialed into where it needs to be, so I know it won't take me terribly  long to lose the rest of this weight.  It just won't happen overnight.  Or next week.  Or next month, in fact, it might take multiple months.  I might not be exactly where I want to be this bathing suit season. Yet.

And I need to be ok with that.  Because when you plan, practice consistency in nutrition, routine, and schedule, treat yourself well, sleep enough, eat whole food and exercise, fit happens. 

But it doesn't happen without hard work and dedication.  And I've got plenty more of that to give.

Will report in next Saturday after I weigh again! Have a GREAT week!


Monday, April 1, 2013

How BAD Do You Want It?

Here I am! Sorry for not posting this weekend, Easter is kind of a big deal in our house/church.  But I'm back and forcing myself to post now as I really should be making dinner but planning an early bedtime.

Speaking of that, I've been staying up WAY too late lately.  And it's killing me productivity-wise.  I'm ready to get my 2 hours of morning time back vs. the 2 hours of evening time I'm taking sitting on my fanny in front of the tv/phone/computer.  There's a goal for ya.

So I wanted to let you know all is still going really well on the nutrition front.  Exercise has been tough over the last few weeks due to being sick and then getting sick again.  It's truly just allergies spinning out of control.  Ain't nobody got time for that!  But I've done pretty well and been way more consistent with exercise so that is great.

I decided on Day 55 to try grain reintroduction just to see what happened.  You have to know, I really haven't missed bread much at all.  I planned, shopped for it and was ready to see how I did. Here's how the day fared.  This was an experiment, and I was approaching it very scientifically.  I'll also add in here this is NOT an April Fool's joke.  Kinda wish it was.

Breakfast - Whole grain bagel with almond butter (would have had cream cheese but that's for dairy reintro).  I had to CHOKE it down.  It was so blah tasting to me.  Like cardboard. 

How did I feel?  Ok.  Nothing major.

Lunch - We went to a local restaurant and I ordered fried chicken, plain rice and broccoli casserole with two yeast rolls on the side. (Duh, forgot that broccoli casserole has cheese so didn't eat much of that.)  Didn't finish the rice (never been much of a rice eater). 

How did I feel?  Ok, but a little bit like an addict having a glass of wine.  Shaky almost.  The food felt a bit like lead in my gut.

Dinner - So we didn't get to eat until after an evening church service that started with a cross-walk around 4pm, and ended at 8:30pm.  The only place open to eat locally was the Pizza Place.  I had nothing thawed out.  I figured, what the heck, it's grain reintroduction day, a few breadsticks would be good for me.  I got in there and smelled the pizza, saw the cheesy bread and LEFT MY BODY.  Seriously, it was almost an out of body experience.  4 slices of pizza, 2 slices of dessert pizza, cheese sticks and guess what else?  JUST GUESS.  You'll NEVER guess.



How did I feel?  Like a complete, disgusting, huge, failure.  Like I let myself down, everyone else down.  I felt so super strong just the day before.  I'd battled so much temptation in the almost 2 months of this.  Why did I allow one Diet Coke cause a complete landslide in behavior in one sitting? Ate some chocolate out of feeling defeated when I got home.  Cause THAT's a good reason to eat.  Not.

Physically I felt fine that night.  Very very full and a bit bloated, but no GI issues. The next day I was ok, but felt almost hungover.  And guess what other fun side effect I experienced?  I GAINED 3 POUNDS IN ONE DAY!

Now, of course, it doesn't mean I'll keep the 3 pounds, but it did teach me one MAJOR thing.

I am gluten/grain/crappy junk food intolerant.  But not because of the typical reasons.  It didn't cause gastric distress, or an allergic reaction.

IT MADE ME FATTER.  Reason enough for me to stay away...given my goals and all.

I've decided to delay any other reintroduction for a long long time. I'm feeling too good and doing too well overall to allow experimentation to get out of control again.  There's a reason I was shaky at lunchtime on that fateful day.  I am an addict.  A food addict!  And I need to treat myself as such, and not allow even the smallest bit of temptation lure me into a day full of crap trap.

I do know this, the fact that I so quickly scrambled into my seat on the wagon was impressive at least to me.  Normally this type of binge behavior would end up dragging along for a few days.  But nope, I was back exactly where I needed to be the VERY NEXT DAY. 

Because a MOMENT of weakness isn't going to destroy MONTHS of good health.

So once again, I've proven to the world that I'm imperfect.  But that is ok.  I've forgiven myself and learned a great deal from it. 

Oh - did I tell you I'm at 197.8 as of this morning?  Hello ONEDERLAND!  I've officially lost 27.8 pounds since the beginning of the year.  Pretty proud of that.

Easter picture in front of the cross with fresh flowers.  Loved my TJ Maxx dress!
in my hotel room in Hinesville - wanted to share the dress I bought in Nashville (it was too small then!) in November, along with my super cute new boots that BARELY fit over my mega muscled calves.  BUT they did and I felt great in the outfit.
There you go...more to come next week.  Been feeling GREAT and STRONG ever since that one day that spun out of control.
And you know what?  I want this.  And I'm doing this.  I want it a good way.  How bad do you want it?
But that's kinda been my mantra this whole time, right? 
WE LOSE OUR WAY, WE GET BACK UP AGAIN!  Thanks Toby Mac for the continued inspiration.  Get Back Up by Toby Mac.
Peace out,