So many things I've been pondering lately. This, as usual, will lead to a series of ideas, proclamations and determined statements. Take them for what they are worth to you. :) Maybe you will find a nugget of truth below to inspire you to start, stop or continue something.
I recently found my eating habits unrecognizable, in the form of sugar, diet coke, chocolate, you name it, I ate it. Starting with "just a bite" here and there, and it turned into a full, backward slide down mud mountain, really ending up in a tumble and face plant. (you can read more about my Mud Mountain theory here.)
As I'm picking myself up and dusting off my cheeks (I said face plant folks), I'm realizing and reiterating some things to myself that I "should" know.
No matter what I have learned or already know, I am an addict. Not just to food, I don't think there is anything wrong with enjoying food, or even being a "foodie" which I would consider myself as well. But certain foods I am addicted to are toxic to me. They cause me to feel bad, literally and figuratively, and like a drug, call me to eat more to fill the painful spots I've caused by my own poor choices. It's a cycle of self-defeat that creates nothing prosperous for me, only misery.
People who say losing weight is easy are just insane or have never truly struggled with their weight...while it might be logically "easy," if you suffer from the addiction piece it makes it a constant struggle and is anything but easy to work through.
Since smokers don't "need" cigarettes to live, alcoholics don't "need" to drink alcohol, but food addicts NEED food to survive, I truly think its the most difficult of all addictions to conquer.
Deep, huh?
To start my battle with this addiction (again), I've decided to fast from sugar, diet coke, etc. for a period of time. I'm not going to decide how long, I'm just going to see how I feel long term and not go "there" until I'm strong again. I need my will of steel back. If you know me, you know this doesn't mean that I will be eating sugar free crap or fake food to fill the void. I'll be eating mostly clean, healthy foods. If it doesn't have a mama and God didn't make it, I won't eat it.
Just a few days off of sugar again and fruit tastes almost too sweet. I love how quickly our bodies adjust again.
My weight has crept up over the last few months, and as of one day this week I was back up to 198. I know, gasp with me, trust me, I was FREAKING out (my low was 182 so far so this was up 16 pounds!!!). I do think I was a bit bloated due to antibiotics and steroids given to me to shake a nasty cold/sinus infection as I was already down to 192 this morning after my run. I'm ready to meet the 180s again and hope to sweep through them into the 170s before the end of the summer.
I'm trying now to focus mainly on being healthy again. Treating my body well again. Not eating crap. Realizing I am worth waaaay more than all the sugary treats in the world.
We leave for vacation in a few days, and fortunately we will be staying with family who eat very healthy. I am so thankful for that. I'm praying I can keep my water intake and activity way up while we're traveling.
I'm going to dig more into this addiction stuff too while I'm away. I want to really understand how I can prevent myself from continually stepping into the same sugar white quick sand.
In the meantime, thanks for standing with me, friends. I could not do this without your prayers and support! I will tackle this addiction once and for all. But I am realizing that no matter how strong I become, how many battles I win, I will always be at war with the toxic enemy (i.e. sugar). I am working on becoming OK with that.
Clara
