Battle #245,633 Coming to a Close

Hey friends!

A quick post to give you a few updates on my life...where I've been.  Why I've been quiet.  What's next.

We can finally make it public that we are moving 5 hours away!  My husband has been offered a full time pastor position at a church in Georgia and we make the move THIS THURSDAY!

AH - that seems soon, I know.  But really this has been in the works for about a month.  Final for sure YES was last Sunday.

We are SO excited!

In the mayhem of first, the interview process, being a person short in the department I run at work, then the unknown, then the traveling to and fro and being entertained and in a rush, I really lost my good habits.  I was already weakening.  Slowly getting weaker and weaker...losing most of my good habits.  Now I don't feel they are completely gone forever.  I can see light at the end of my tunnel.  Like once all the boxes are unpacked, and I feel somewhat organized I can once again fill my fridge with things that are going to HELP not HINDER me and plan my meals again, doing the workload of one person at work again (woohoo!) sticking to the plan and just really finding my way back to the driver seat.

It's really no fun being dragged behind the wagon.

I'm very glad I got rid of my clothes every time I grew out of them.  I'm back in a 12 but busting out of it.  I won't let this go on...and really I can't as I have no more "fat" clothes anymore!  HA!

I haven't been quiet on here fully due to shame, though I am not proud of myself and how I have allowed reasons to become excuses, not feeling 100% to staying in bed, and multiple rest days in a row to the tune of several weeks.

Really, it is more that I haven't had anything positive and uplifting to share except this.

I AM NOT DONE FIGHTING.

Phew.  I can let out the breath I've been holding.  This isn't over.  This is the most I've slid back yet in 3 years.  But I have not lost the war, only this particular battle.

And I, only me, I get to decide when its over or when its time to keep fighting.

And while this moment, this next meal, these next few weeks of continued craziness aren't looking good on the healthy eating and exercise front, I know I will resurface out of this and find my determination once again.

As soon as the dust settles even just a little bit.

I'm setting a goal to run this coming Saturday, October 27, for the first time in a few weeks.  It will be my first run in my new neighborhood.  I plan to wait until its around 9am since I don't know my way around too well and want to maybe walk the route with my family first. 

From there I will make a plan. There is Zumba in my new town.  I may visit it next week before leaving town again.  There are a few new friends who want to train to run a 5k.

I know what to do. I've written about it over and over again.  If you think me weak, you are absolutely right.  I am human, fallible, imperfect and a food addict.  But in my weakness I will find strength to overcome this tussle with life.

Stick with me and we'll do it together, k?

Clara

The Stupid Cycle

Had a great catharsis this weekend about the whole healthy living journey and the struggle it can be.  It's called "The Stupid Cycle."  Ready to hear about it?

Eat bad --->Feel sick --->Not working out because you feel sick --->Feel intense guilt for poor food choices and not working out --->Eat bad --->Feel sick --->Not working out because you feel sick --->Feel intense guilt for poor food choices and not working out---> Eat bad --->Feel sick --->Not working out because you feel sick --->Feel intense guilt for poor food choices and not working out--->Eat bad --->Feel sick --->Not working out because you feel sick --->Feel intense guilt for poor food choices and not working out --->Eat bad --->Feel sick --->Not working out because you feel sick --->Feel intense guilt for poor food choices and not working out--->Eat bad --->Feel sick --->Not working out because you feel sick --->Feel intense guilt for poor food choices and not working out--->Eat bad --->Feel sick --->Not working out because you feel sick --->Feel intense guilt for poor food choices and not working out--->Eat bad --->Feel sick --->Not working out because you feel sick --->Feel intense guilt for poor food choices and not working out--->Eat bad --->Feel sick --->Not working out because you feel sick --->Feel intense guilt for poor food choices and not working out--->Eat bad --->Feel sick --->Not working out because you feel sick --->Feel intense guilt for poor food choices and not working out--->Eat bad --->Feel sick --->Not working out because you feel sick --->Feel intense guilt for poor food choices and not working out--->Eat bad --->Feel sick --->Not working out because you feel sick --->Feel intense guilt for poor food choices and not working out--->Eat bad --->Feel sick --->Not working out because you feel sick --->Feel intense guilt for poor food choices and not working out--->Eat bad --->Feel sick --->Not working out because you feel sick --->Feel intense guilt for poor food choices and not working out--->Eat bad --->Feel sick --->Not working out because you feel sick --->Feel intense guilt for poor food choices and not working out

And this sums up August 2011 - September 2012.  13 months of stupid cycle.

Some good stuff in there, I've achieved a few things for sure.  But man.  I could already be at my goal weight!

Now I don't want 384 comments here about how great I am, try to focus on what I have accomplished, etc. etc.

I know I have done awesome.  I know I have saved my life.  

But I also KNOW I can finish this journey.

If I can break the Stupid Cycle.

Who's with me?

Clara