Balance!

Hey friends, sorry it has been so long since I've posted.  You all must be busy too, as I haven't received many "where have you been?" emails.

Things have been going good!  My weight loss over the last few weeks has stalled a little.  Lots of travel plus little sleep really seems to mess me up all around.  I've eaten well, stayed on plan for the most part and felt pretty good.  Then got a little sick last week that put me down for a few days from exercise.

After over 90 days of being pretty strict W30 eating, I decided to take a few offroading adventures in a 24 hour time span.  The book (It Starts With Food) talks about offroading as consciously eating things outside of the normal plan. It's impossible for anyone to be perfect all the time, especially when you travel and eat out as often as I do, but overall, I've done pretty well with it.  There have been a few things I "miss" a little, and so I made a plan to indulge in those few things for 24 hours and then jump back on.

I noticed a few things.  I had some ice cream, and while it tasted good, it left a strange film in my mouth - in looking at the ingredients I realized it had about 15 things I haven't eaten in the last 90 days, mostly additives, soy, butter oil (what is that???) etc. Decided that was not really worth it.

Then had some birthday cake. It was ok.  Again, kind of a plasticky feeling it left in my mouth once the sugar went down.  Pizza...I have decided I don't really like too much cheese anymore.  Now THAT is an unexpected result.  HAHA!  It was ok but nothing I felt I couldn't live without.  I'm finding food SMELLS much better to me than it ends up tasting.  And it tastes SO bland!

I have one more off roading meal planned today at lunch, my hubby's birthday is today and there is a local place that makes the most amazing burgers.  I plan on having one with sweet potato fries. 

Then I will be turning back into a W30 eating pumpkin when the clock strikes midnight tonight.

Interestingly, so far I haven't eaten anything thinking to myself, man, have I missed this!  I found myself actually craving strawberries last night.  Didn't eat any because I literally had no room in my body for it after the other junk.

My stomach is bloated and I've experienced other gastric distress I won't go into here in case you're reading this on your lunch break. 

It's incredible that when you eat really clean, then try something from your past, and it doesn't "do it" for you like it used to.  The only thing it "does" is seem to clean out my intestinal track and give me a tummy ache.

Another interesting finding in all of this is that I don't feel guilty AT ALL.  This is actually a HUGE change for me.  Typically I would have shed a few tears by now, upset with myself, etc., because this doesn't usually happen on PURPOSE.  I usually trip and fall face first into a pizza buffet.  The old me would anyway.

The new me decided, consciously, that I would offroad for 24 hours, and then get right back on track.  I don't have any longings for anything else, and I don't feel I'm missing much (except tummy pain and weight gain) by eating this way regularly.

I feel really good right now.  I'm sure the scale will not be my friend tomorrow when I have my back to W30 weigh in, but I am ok with that and ready to square off.

Because I'm realizing, since I'm not wallowing in guilt and self-pity of the recovering food addict that I am, that balance is so important.  I will NEVER call this cheating as that has a negative connotation.  I'll simply say I'm offroading and I will decide in advance to do it.  The book warns against making decisions in advance, but I really feel good about all of this and each person is different.  Being conscious about making poor food choices is hugely liberating.  And since I know so well how poor they are (as my gut is rumbling while I type) it will be no problem for me to jump back on track.

The good part is I made it a really long time of being really really solidly good.  Enough time to learn to LOVE how I eat now.  The first round, I made it around 45 days before doing my "grain reintroduction" that went so poorly.  If you look back over my blog, that day made me feel sick and gain 3 pounds and I felt terrible guilt.

Well given the last 24 hours has been planned, I don't at all feel that way!  I went another 45 days before offroading on purpose.  Wow.  That's a long time!  I feel excited to get my tail back in gear tomorrow and I truly miss my healthy food.

So I'm not going to smack a label or time stamp on my offroading.  Instead, I'm going to go for as long as I can (at least 30 days plus) before deciding I want something off plan.  There will be certain special occasions that are worth it - and some that are not! I will partake in what I WANT to partake in, keeping in mind I still have 30 pounds to lose!

So right now, I feel balanced (and bloated, but balanced).  I know I will reach my goals and think my brain is finally wrapping around how to exercise moderation.  Which will be extremely moderate for me until I get lean enough for my body to handle offroading better.  BUT the funny part is, the longer I go eating like this, I'm thinking the less and less foods I will find "worth" more than a bite or two.

Ah, it's been 4 years in the making folks...but this thick chick is getting it all figured out. Finally.

In other news - my husband started training today for his first 5k!  I'm so excited. Today's his birthday and in honor of it we began training for his first race.  I want us to run a half in the fall.  So super excited!  He did great.

Will keep you posted on everything!

Take care,
Clara