Saturday, April 20, 2013

Memorial Miles

Hey friends! Wow, what a week in our sad, fallen world.

It was tough watching the coverage but like a bad car wreck, you just had to look.  I held my baby girl extra tight on Monday night and let her fall asleep on me.  The image of the little boy, Martin Richard, has just haunted me.  How many times has my family waited for me at a finish line of a race?  So many. Never at a race as big as Boston's, but still.

When will we ever feel safe again?

When tragedy like this hits, I feel literally nauseated.  I could not watch the Sandy Hook coverage as I was almost vomiting over it.  It's been worse as a mother, but I know part of it is that being a person with Empathy (Gallup Strength # 5 for me) I literally can FEEL what other people are feeling.  I sobbed when Elizabeth got home from school that day and she knew something was wrong.

I didn't cry alot this week.  I was just stunned.  And sad.  And wondered when the other shoe would drop.  I prayed alot.  I had to travel for work, so when I turned on the TV on Thursday morning and saw the news about Waco and the explosion, I just stopped and prayed again.  And was glad to get home to my family again.

So much tragedy in such a short week. 

I can't do much to help.  I feel helpless and hate that.  But decided on Friday I would run in memory of Boston on my lunch break.  I did my T30 weights workout and took it easy on the lunges knowing I was heading out for a 3 mile run, which right now is challenging as my mileage has been lower as of late.

I didn't do a warm up walk as I was already warm.  Instead, I started running as soon as we got outside.  Each mile was for a different victim (at that point I didn't know about the police officer who had been killed later in the week).  I put my running playlist on shuffle.

My first mile was for Lingzi Lu, the Boston University grad student who was here from China.  I spent that mile praying for her family and asking God to show Himself to them, as they grieved for their lost daughter.  I prayed for healing for her friends and family.  What a beautiful girl with her life cut short.  I noticed the beautiful spring blooms around our town and could only imagine that she was a gentle, kind person.

My second mile was for Krystle Campbell, a 29 year old restaurant GM.  Everything I've read about her was that she was full of spunk and life.  A beautiful redhead who was always there for everyone.  I have to believe she was a fun loving person; all of the songs that came on during my 2nd mile were old Zumba songs that are fun and energetic.  I couldn't help but smile.  I prayed that her influence would be positive on those who knew her and that the love of the Lord would touch her family and friends during this terrible time and they would remember what they loved about her forever.

My third and toughest mile I ran for Martin Richard, the 8 year old boy who lost his life.  His beautiful smile was all I could see as I pushed through a tough run in the 86 degree full mid-day heat, up a hill of course.  I wanted to stop but made myself push through.  I prayed for his family and his young friends who are all grieving. I also prayed for the healing of his mother and younger sister, also injured in the attack.  I prayed their family could feel safe again.  Martin's mile was my toughest mile but that beautiful smile kept me moving.

As I finished that last mile, I began to sob.  Which was hard as my breathing was already irregular.  All the sadness from the week finally caught up with me.  I had forgotten how cathartic a run in honor of someone else could be.  Sometimes crying is just as cathartic.

Here is the song that happened to be on as I finished:  Beautiful by Group 1 Crew

I felt it appropriate.  All three lives were beautiful.  God made them all.  You may not like hearing this, but God also created and loved the men who created these bombs and murdered the innocent.  They just don't know it.  I'm praying for them and their families too.

And then yesterday I couldn't get this song out of my head Beauty from Pain by Superchick.  God will somehow bring beauty from this tragedy.  I just know it.

Now for an update on my journey.

Here's my fitness for the week:

Monday - T30 weights workout on my lunch break.  2 mile run with a friend that night.
Tuesday - travel/rest day
Wednesday - 50 minutes on the elliptical, hill workout
Thursday - 2 mile run with a friend.
Friday - T30 weights workout on my lunch break and 3 mile memorial run.
Saturday - 2 mile run with friends.

My nutrition has been on point.  And the scale is showing that! I weighed in at 194.0 this morning.  That's 31.6 pounds down from January 1.  Woohoo!  Back to 91 pounds lost total also.  That feels great.

In about 9 pounds I'll be back to where I was last year...but not stopping there.  I made myself a spreadsheet and am hoping I can see consistent loss of around 5-8 lbs/month until I'm done with the losing, then I'll keep moving and eating right so I can stay healthy and fit. Not much will change, I just know my body will stop losing when it reaches where it is happy.  I'm thinking that will be 165 but we'll see.

Funny thing is when I weighed 194 before I wasn't in the same shape I'm getting now.  My shape is different and changing I think because my nutrition is 100% right and my exercise/activity is including regular weight lifting.  I need to find some heavier weights...will be looking around this week for those. 

In the meantime, I won't forget what has happened this week.  I have this feeling I'll be running for them again, especially for little Martin who has captured my heart so.  I truly felt like he was with me yesterday and had goose bumps for most of the run, which was odd as it was HOT outside. 

I'll be looking for ways to encourage people not to give up or be afraid to live our lives because something "could" happen at anytime.  God has a plan and sometimes pain and tragedy is allowed in order for transition of that plan to take place. I have lived that myself a few times over, but never to the extent of those affected forever this week.

We also need to focus on the good that we saw everywhere.  Complete strangers saving each others' lives and being there for one another.  In Waco, TX, a nursing home was destroyed and there were reports of nursing home staff shielding the residents with their own bodies to protect them.  How amazing to see the true human spirit come alive in absolute tests of our resilience.  That, my friends, is what our country was founded on and what gives me hope about our future.  That, and my faith that my God has not left us nor foresaken us.  Even this week, He's there.

Hugs to you all,

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