Monday, April 1, 2013

How BAD Do You Want It?

Here I am! Sorry for not posting this weekend, Easter is kind of a big deal in our house/church.  But I'm back and forcing myself to post now as I really should be making dinner but planning an early bedtime.

Speaking of that, I've been staying up WAY too late lately.  And it's killing me productivity-wise.  I'm ready to get my 2 hours of morning time back vs. the 2 hours of evening time I'm taking sitting on my fanny in front of the tv/phone/computer.  There's a goal for ya.

So I wanted to let you know all is still going really well on the nutrition front.  Exercise has been tough over the last few weeks due to being sick and then getting sick again.  It's truly just allergies spinning out of control.  Ain't nobody got time for that!  But I've done pretty well and been way more consistent with exercise so that is great.

I decided on Day 55 to try grain reintroduction just to see what happened.  You have to know, I really haven't missed bread much at all.  I planned, shopped for it and was ready to see how I did. Here's how the day fared.  This was an experiment, and I was approaching it very scientifically.  I'll also add in here this is NOT an April Fool's joke.  Kinda wish it was.

Breakfast - Whole grain bagel with almond butter (would have had cream cheese but that's for dairy reintro).  I had to CHOKE it down.  It was so blah tasting to me.  Like cardboard. 

How did I feel?  Ok.  Nothing major.

Lunch - We went to a local restaurant and I ordered fried chicken, plain rice and broccoli casserole with two yeast rolls on the side. (Duh, forgot that broccoli casserole has cheese so didn't eat much of that.)  Didn't finish the rice (never been much of a rice eater). 

How did I feel?  Ok, but a little bit like an addict having a glass of wine.  Shaky almost.  The food felt a bit like lead in my gut.

Dinner - So we didn't get to eat until after an evening church service that started with a cross-walk around 4pm, and ended at 8:30pm.  The only place open to eat locally was the Pizza Place.  I had nothing thawed out.  I figured, what the heck, it's grain reintroduction day, a few breadsticks would be good for me.  I got in there and smelled the pizza, saw the cheesy bread and LEFT MY BODY.  Seriously, it was almost an out of body experience.  4 slices of pizza, 2 slices of dessert pizza, cheese sticks and guess what else?  JUST GUESS.  You'll NEVER guess.



How did I feel?  Like a complete, disgusting, huge, failure.  Like I let myself down, everyone else down.  I felt so super strong just the day before.  I'd battled so much temptation in the almost 2 months of this.  Why did I allow one Diet Coke cause a complete landslide in behavior in one sitting? Ate some chocolate out of feeling defeated when I got home.  Cause THAT's a good reason to eat.  Not.

Physically I felt fine that night.  Very very full and a bit bloated, but no GI issues. The next day I was ok, but felt almost hungover.  And guess what other fun side effect I experienced?  I GAINED 3 POUNDS IN ONE DAY!

Now, of course, it doesn't mean I'll keep the 3 pounds, but it did teach me one MAJOR thing.

I am gluten/grain/crappy junk food intolerant.  But not because of the typical reasons.  It didn't cause gastric distress, or an allergic reaction.

IT MADE ME FATTER.  Reason enough for me to stay away...given my goals and all.

I've decided to delay any other reintroduction for a long long time. I'm feeling too good and doing too well overall to allow experimentation to get out of control again.  There's a reason I was shaky at lunchtime on that fateful day.  I am an addict.  A food addict!  And I need to treat myself as such, and not allow even the smallest bit of temptation lure me into a day full of crap trap.

I do know this, the fact that I so quickly scrambled into my seat on the wagon was impressive at least to me.  Normally this type of binge behavior would end up dragging along for a few days.  But nope, I was back exactly where I needed to be the VERY NEXT DAY. 

Because a MOMENT of weakness isn't going to destroy MONTHS of good health.

So once again, I've proven to the world that I'm imperfect.  But that is ok.  I've forgiven myself and learned a great deal from it. 

Oh - did I tell you I'm at 197.8 as of this morning?  Hello ONEDERLAND!  I've officially lost 27.8 pounds since the beginning of the year.  Pretty proud of that.

Easter picture in front of the cross with fresh flowers.  Loved my TJ Maxx dress!
in my hotel room in Hinesville - wanted to share the dress I bought in Nashville (it was too small then!) in November, along with my super cute new boots that BARELY fit over my mega muscled calves.  BUT they did and I felt great in the outfit.
There you go...more to come next week.  Been feeling GREAT and STRONG ever since that one day that spun out of control.
And you know what?  I want this.  And I'm doing this.  I want it a good way.  How bad do you want it?
But that's kinda been my mantra this whole time, right? 
WE LOSE OUR WAY, WE GET BACK UP AGAIN!  Thanks Toby Mac for the continued inspiration.  Get Back Up by Toby Mac.
Peace out,


Michelle said...

Thank you for sharing Clara! I am with you! I am a food addict! I feel so much shame over eating one chip I might as well eat the whole bag. So I. Eat. The. Whole. Bag. The Lord does not desire us to live in shame, So encouraging to hear you forgave yourself and got right back on it! I appreciate this. Encourages me during day #12 of Clean Eating that has not been the easiest! But made it through. Praying for you! Know this is not just a a fight against flesh;)! You look BEAUTIFUL in your Easter pics!Thanks for being honest.

Amanda in RI said...

I have to admit, I'm a bit terrified to reintroduce any foods. I'm on day 16 of my 2nd whole 30 (hubs is doing it with me this time--and confession, there were a bunch of foods here and there that I realized AFTER the fact weren't compliant on my 1st whole 30).

GOOD for you for getting right back up on the wagon!!! You look fantastic!

Kathy D said...

Hi Clara,

You amaze me with your commitment to healthy eating, along with not getting your self down if you have some mishaps along the way. You are inspiring me to continue on my road to well being. I am now down 22lbs and my resting heart rate was 85 the other day. Thank you for your posts and information. Also for showing me that I can do it! Kathy

ClaraB said...

thanks so much ladies! Amanda, its SO not worth it to do reintro unless you possess more self-control than I do. Wowsa! lol. Michelle, I am so super happy I'm not the only one! Kathy I am so happy to hear that. I only hope I can inspire, which is part of why I try so hard to be a good example. It ain't easy! One day at a time. Resting heart rate going down is a HUGE deal! Great job! Keep it up girl.