Hey all, so Day 1 went ok. I did get up early and rode my exercise bike for a half hour. I turned up the intensity/resistance to 7 so it was harder than normal (I keep it at a 4 most of the time). Lots of sweat so that is a good sign.
Started off well with eating..had a few minor slips here and there but all in all pretty good.
Breakfast: Honey Nut Cheerios with Almond Milk
Snack: Banana
Lunch: Half bbq chicken salad and cup of chicken noodle soup from Panera with wheat roll
Snack: 2 pumpkin muffins (made with just pumpkin and cake mix - they were good!) and 6 Candy Corn Pumpkins.
Dinner: Grilled chicken salad
Yes. I gave in on the pumpkins. But really, 6 pumpkins is nowhere near as bad as it could have been...
Am I rationalizing? Maybe. I promised you I would blog the truth, so here it is. Good, bad, and in-between. :)
One VERY positive decision I made today - I packaged up the rest of the candy corn and gave it to someone upstairs.
I have an appointment tomorrow morning with an ortho doc/podiatrist. Hoping he sends me right away for the MRI so I can get that done quickly and know before the week is out what the prognosis is. I learned tonight that this particular doctor is big on casts. That will NOT be fun especially given I am traveling all week next week. But at worst, I think I'll end up with an air boot. We'll see.
Will let you know how tomorrow goes! Got another date with the exercise bike in the morning - scintillating! Yeah, a little sarcasm never hurt anyone, right?
It's all good.
~Clara
Monday, October 31, 2011
Sunday, October 30, 2011
It's All in the Plan
I have spent this entire day wallowing.
Sad faced, slow moping, eating crap "comfort" food wallowing.
I didn't eat dinner since lunch was so ridiculous, we all just snacked tonight. And I made cookies (half a batch, but STILL).
Did it help?
NO.
But with all the wallowing came some planning. If you know me well, you know having a plan is huge for me. I have to know what's next. And with my healthy lifestyle its been no different. Planning is a HUGE key aspect to my success.
Planning meals. Planning activity. Planning for speed bumps.
And man, have I hit a big one.
I'm 90% sure I have fractured my right foot. On the top of it, above the butterfly tattoo. I took a week off, as nothing showed on the x-ray but about 3/4 of a mile in to my run today, I felt that familiar pain. I ran a mile, then walked the mile home. Completely and utterly bummed. Apparently stress fractures don't show up on an x-ray right away anyway.
I wanted to cry several times today but have held it in. It isn't going to help. And my nose will be stuffy/runny and then I'll have a headache. Nope, not cry worthy. Yet anyway. It might be when the doc tells me how long to stay off it now...
So, today was about asking for prayer and having pity on myself. I literally dreamed about running last night, so to wake up and get to go this morning after a week off was amazing. It made the letdown that much harder to bear, however, when the pain came back.
So tomorrow I'll be calling the dr back and letting her know what the sitch is...and asking for an MRI to be set up. Once we know for sure what's going on, then we'll go from there. I don't think I'll need to wear a boot or anything like that, but it will probably be flat shoes and little to no weight bearing activity.
No running.
No Zumba.
No Tae Bo.
No Biggest Loser workouts.
Freaking UGH!
Now that I've sufficiently wallowed, the dust is settling, I have a tummy ache and am in need of a plan. I only have 5 days to get this worked out with the dr as I fly out next Monday on a 4 day trip. I need to have my routine figured out before I go so I can still work out while traveling.
Yep, I am not taking {insert # of weeks} off completely. I WILL find something I can do and I will DO it.
And I will rid my office of the candy corn tomorrow morning.
It is really difficult to eat well when I'm not running. I don't know if its because I associate my food more with fuel when it is being used as such, but I need to remember that even if I'm not running, my body still needs good, healthy fuel to run efficiently.
I only rode my exercise bike once this week. My butt goes numb after awhile and I get bored (its a recumbent bike). Starting tomorrow, I'm going to get up early, bump up the resistance, then ride it for an hour at least. I have a book I've been trying to read so I can do that simultaneously.
So the plan consists of eating within my range, and making the BEST choices I can, and exercising in the BEST way I can. At least doing something.
And for some reason, when I decide it, say it, blog it and plan it, 9 times out of 10 it becomes my reality.
Last week I spent too much time denying that I could really be that injured and just trying to get through the stupid week so I could run again and everything would be fine.
This week I'm going to deal with it head on, make the best of an undesirable situation, and blog as much as I can for accountability.
Sound like a plan?
Good. I needed one.
As much fun as its been to wallow, it has gotten me nowhere. Fortunately it was only a day.
Setbacks are going to happen on your healthy lifestyle journey. This isn't my first injury. It's my first "not cool story" injury. But despite any setbacks I've experienced, I've always come out stronger and still overall successful.
I may not be running a 10k on Thanksgiving. But I will still be giving thanks for a number of things.
Catch you tomorrow for my first accountability post of the week. I'll be including a "what I ate" and "what activity I did" as well as an update on my foot.
~Clara
Sad faced, slow moping, eating crap "comfort" food wallowing.
I didn't eat dinner since lunch was so ridiculous, we all just snacked tonight. And I made cookies (half a batch, but STILL).
Did it help?
NO.
But with all the wallowing came some planning. If you know me well, you know having a plan is huge for me. I have to know what's next. And with my healthy lifestyle its been no different. Planning is a HUGE key aspect to my success.
Planning meals. Planning activity. Planning for speed bumps.
And man, have I hit a big one.
I'm 90% sure I have fractured my right foot. On the top of it, above the butterfly tattoo. I took a week off, as nothing showed on the x-ray but about 3/4 of a mile in to my run today, I felt that familiar pain. I ran a mile, then walked the mile home. Completely and utterly bummed. Apparently stress fractures don't show up on an x-ray right away anyway.
I wanted to cry several times today but have held it in. It isn't going to help. And my nose will be stuffy/runny and then I'll have a headache. Nope, not cry worthy. Yet anyway. It might be when the doc tells me how long to stay off it now...
So, today was about asking for prayer and having pity on myself. I literally dreamed about running last night, so to wake up and get to go this morning after a week off was amazing. It made the letdown that much harder to bear, however, when the pain came back.
So tomorrow I'll be calling the dr back and letting her know what the sitch is...and asking for an MRI to be set up. Once we know for sure what's going on, then we'll go from there. I don't think I'll need to wear a boot or anything like that, but it will probably be flat shoes and little to no weight bearing activity.
No running.
No Zumba.
No Tae Bo.
No Biggest Loser workouts.
Freaking UGH!
Now that I've sufficiently wallowed, the dust is settling, I have a tummy ache and am in need of a plan. I only have 5 days to get this worked out with the dr as I fly out next Monday on a 4 day trip. I need to have my routine figured out before I go so I can still work out while traveling.
Yep, I am not taking {insert # of weeks} off completely. I WILL find something I can do and I will DO it.
And I will rid my office of the candy corn tomorrow morning.
It is really difficult to eat well when I'm not running. I don't know if its because I associate my food more with fuel when it is being used as such, but I need to remember that even if I'm not running, my body still needs good, healthy fuel to run efficiently.
I only rode my exercise bike once this week. My butt goes numb after awhile and I get bored (its a recumbent bike). Starting tomorrow, I'm going to get up early, bump up the resistance, then ride it for an hour at least. I have a book I've been trying to read so I can do that simultaneously.
So the plan consists of eating within my range, and making the BEST choices I can, and exercising in the BEST way I can. At least doing something.
And for some reason, when I decide it, say it, blog it and plan it, 9 times out of 10 it becomes my reality.
Last week I spent too much time denying that I could really be that injured and just trying to get through the stupid week so I could run again and everything would be fine.
This week I'm going to deal with it head on, make the best of an undesirable situation, and blog as much as I can for accountability.
Sound like a plan?
Good. I needed one.
As much fun as its been to wallow, it has gotten me nowhere. Fortunately it was only a day.
Setbacks are going to happen on your healthy lifestyle journey. This isn't my first injury. It's my first "not cool story" injury. But despite any setbacks I've experienced, I've always come out stronger and still overall successful.
I may not be running a 10k on Thanksgiving. But I will still be giving thanks for a number of things.
Catch you tomorrow for my first accountability post of the week. I'll be including a "what I ate" and "what activity I did" as well as an update on my foot.
~Clara
Monday, October 24, 2011
Better Safe than Sorry...
So, I just returned from the doctor's office...let me back up a few days to give you the scoop.
On Saturday I had a glorious run. It was beautiful outside, I felt great, so I just kept on going. A total of 5 miles in 56 minutes. It felt amazing.
About mile 4, my right foot started to hurt, on the top of it, then it went numb. Wasn't a terrible pain, but when I felt like going past 5 miles, I decided not to push my luck, just in case.
Sunday I ran 2 miles, just a quick run. It hurt for about a half mile, then was fine.
Yesterday afternoon my wee one wanted to go for a walk. I laced up my shoes but could not walk more than a mile with her, my foot hurt so bad.
Crap.
So today I called the sports med place in Dothan, which couldn't get me in until Friday morning. I'm not the type to sit around and wait for the scoop on whatever might be going on, so I went to the urgent care instead as I knew they had xray machines.
While they cannot see a fracture, they didn't rule it out. The radiologist still has to look at the films, but in the meantime, the doc has put me off of my foot for 1 week. No weight bearing activities.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Yep, that about sums up how I feel about that. They gave me this adorable post-op shoe to wear - it feels like it is the wrong foot, and as I was adjusting the strap, it broke (oh, darn!) so I will be looking for something else to wear, or I may just wear flats all week.
I had my Zumba clothes in the car.
I could not be more bleh about all of this right now.
But if I have learned anything from being sidelined in the past, its better to be safe than sorry. I know this personally.
And if I want to run that 10k in 4 weeks, I'd better err on the side of caution.
That is so hard for me - I'm not at all a cautious person (in this regard anyway, I am when it comes to being a passenger in a vehicle - lol).
So please pray for my sanity this week. I have to make it to Sunday with no running or Zumba. I'm going to ride my recumbent exercise bike until my butt goes numb, but that won't register any calories burned on the Bodybugg so I'm preparing myself for another bleh week.
My weigh in by the way, yesterday, was terrible. I was up a pound. What the HECK? I think it must be sodium from the traveling last week. Or the movie theater popcorn and fro yo I had for dinner on Friday night. But come ON, I ran 5 miles on Saturday...should have mitigated ALL of that.
Or not.
This whole exact science of losing weight is ANYTHING but exact.
But, I digress.
The point of this post was to ask for prayer. I'm at risk at this moment of eating all 4 of the leftover jillian michael's healthy brownies (therefore defeating the purpose of them being healthy brownies). I'm trying really hard not to let myself just give up, even for a day. I won't be very happy with myself if I do.
Hang in there with me and say a prayer for me, will ya?
Clara
On Saturday I had a glorious run. It was beautiful outside, I felt great, so I just kept on going. A total of 5 miles in 56 minutes. It felt amazing.
About mile 4, my right foot started to hurt, on the top of it, then it went numb. Wasn't a terrible pain, but when I felt like going past 5 miles, I decided not to push my luck, just in case.
Sunday I ran 2 miles, just a quick run. It hurt for about a half mile, then was fine.
Yesterday afternoon my wee one wanted to go for a walk. I laced up my shoes but could not walk more than a mile with her, my foot hurt so bad.
Crap.
So today I called the sports med place in Dothan, which couldn't get me in until Friday morning. I'm not the type to sit around and wait for the scoop on whatever might be going on, so I went to the urgent care instead as I knew they had xray machines.
While they cannot see a fracture, they didn't rule it out. The radiologist still has to look at the films, but in the meantime, the doc has put me off of my foot for 1 week. No weight bearing activities.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Yep, that about sums up how I feel about that. They gave me this adorable post-op shoe to wear - it feels like it is the wrong foot, and as I was adjusting the strap, it broke (oh, darn!) so I will be looking for something else to wear, or I may just wear flats all week.
I had my Zumba clothes in the car.
I could not be more bleh about all of this right now.
But if I have learned anything from being sidelined in the past, its better to be safe than sorry. I know this personally.
And if I want to run that 10k in 4 weeks, I'd better err on the side of caution.
That is so hard for me - I'm not at all a cautious person (in this regard anyway, I am when it comes to being a passenger in a vehicle - lol).
So please pray for my sanity this week. I have to make it to Sunday with no running or Zumba. I'm going to ride my recumbent exercise bike until my butt goes numb, but that won't register any calories burned on the Bodybugg so I'm preparing myself for another bleh week.
My weigh in by the way, yesterday, was terrible. I was up a pound. What the HECK? I think it must be sodium from the traveling last week. Or the movie theater popcorn and fro yo I had for dinner on Friday night. But come ON, I ran 5 miles on Saturday...should have mitigated ALL of that.
Or not.
This whole exact science of losing weight is ANYTHING but exact.
But, I digress.
The point of this post was to ask for prayer. I'm at risk at this moment of eating all 4 of the leftover jillian michael's healthy brownies (therefore defeating the purpose of them being healthy brownies). I'm trying really hard not to let myself just give up, even for a day. I won't be very happy with myself if I do.
Hang in there with me and say a prayer for me, will ya?
Clara
Sunday, October 16, 2011
And the Secret is...Focus
What an incredible week.
I wondered how I would feel reporting to the world today about everything. My most recent weigh in, the crazy hilly race yesterday, how I was doing with my eating.
Well, I am very happy to say that I have good news. On ALL fronts.
As you know I spent much of September losing and gaining the same 3 pounds. Well, I have finally released them forever. Well, Mandisa says released - she says you shouldn't say lost as you really don't want to find them. But maybe since released sounds kinda gross I will say exterminated. Wait. Not much better.
Back to the point, I am excited that I've lost another 2 pounds past my 100 pound mark. I'm solidly 183 now. I honestly don't remember the last time I was there and actually stayed there. Probably around that weight when we got married, but again, I gained it back quickly. Stopping your program will do that to you.
Duh, right?
This weigh in was great as last Sunday I weighed 185.8 and it sucked. I was so miserable about it, but I faithfully reported it to my Body Bugg program and waited while it told me I must be sneaking oreos. Really, it just adjusts your intake amount for the last week and accuses you of eating way more than you tracked. Not very fair I felt, though this week it ended up jacking my intake down saying I had eaten less than I reported since I lost 2.6 pounds. It is making me realize that while losing weight is scientific (less calories in, more calories burned), it isn't a one-size-fits-all perfect, fault-proof science. Although when I really think about it, here is what I've come to realize.
If I compare my calories this week to those of weeks prior, the amount I ate wasn't necessarily that different.
It was QUALITY.
Not Quantity.
Sick of hearing that quality is more important than quantity? Yeah, me too. But bear with me here.
Want to know the difference between this week and other weeks?
I ate BETTER food. Healthier. Got in my fruit and veggie servings. AND my daily dark chocolate.
And I didn't crave weird junk food. Dessert still taunted me at that buffet I was telling you about the other day (the one with the white devil pasta). But I conquered it.
And again, I'm that much stronger.
So what's the "secret?" There really isn't just one thing. It's a combination of good choices that moves you in the direction of success. And if something isn't working, its time to re-evaluate, get dead honest with yourself and change something. Anything. Shock your body for once. Get it out of its routine.
My break did that for me - not only giving my knee time to heal, but giving me a chance to rest and reset. I needed a brain break too I think.
One choice I made this week was going daily with my chocolate again. Dark chocolate every day is going to have to be my thing. In fact, the dark chocolate of choice has been those mini-york peppermint patties. Oh my heaven. Just one tiny one is enough to satiate me. 50 calories of happiness. And during the day I've been fine since I started doing that regularly again. Worth it.
Another choice was making sure I got my water in - and planning my meals and sticking to my plan.
More choices - my activity. I ran Monday morning, did Tae Bo on Tuesday night, ran Wednesday morning and did Zumba Wednesday night, then ran again Thursday and took Friday off as a rest day before my 5k race Saturday. Yeah, pretty active week. And I'm planning another one right behind it. Because my body is responding well to it.
My focus has been a little off lately. I've been focusing on the scale not moving, my cravings being out of whack, and wondering if I'd ever get under 185 for serious.
What got me back into my groove was putting my eyes back on the small steps that it will take for me to meet my goal. Each time I exercised. That much closer. Every healthier food choice. That much closer. Every blog post where I'm pouring my heart out to potentially no one but its still cathartic...That much closer.
Let's talk about the race yesterday. I will likely get misty eyed.
I ran my best race time EVER. 32:16. This same race last year, I ran in 40:04. What a difference a year makes. Check out the difference in the two photos:
At the start line I was nervous as usual. Unsure of myself and my ability. But all week I had felt this freakish determination like I was going to kill this race. I had no idea how, as I knew it was the hardest race I'd ever run. They even changed the course but talking it over with someone before hand it didn't change for the "easier." Just multiple, different hills. Fortunately no time to be nervous.
I looked around and instantly felt overwhelmed with emotion.
It was amazing to see all of these names flying around me. Everyone was running with a purpose. With a focus. I vowed not to lose mine. Some teenage boys were goofing around during the first mile and distracting me so I put in both earphones and zoned out. As soon as we were down one hill, we were going up another.
I had the same experiences as before, but kept telling myself - this is MY race, not the person who just passed me. That helps me pace so much. I know many people burn out toward the end. Sure enough in the last mile I began passing people like crazy. People who had stopped to walk. People way skinnier and fit-looking than me. I hoped they couldn't hear me wheezing.
The last hill was murder. Then I pictured my friend Irene and could hear her saying "Go Clara" in her Staten Island accent. Literally a minute later "I Run for Life" by Melissa Etheridge came on the playlist. PERFECT timing. I zoomed past people going uphill. I knew we were nearing the end.
When you round the last turn the finish line is still .2 miles away, but you can see it clearly. I poured out all I had and then realized the clock said 31 something. Now, I wear a Garmin, so I could have done the math myself, but I was so focused, I hadn't looked down in awhile. I burned it across the finish line, amazed as I realized it was my fastest 5k EVER.
Faster than I'd even run one in my non hilly neighborhood.
I can only credit sheer and utter focus and determination. Oh, and the people praying for me (thanks!). Seriously, I've never been more elated with a finish. And my hubby got a great picture too.
I placed 20th in my age group. Yeah, not the most impressive ever, but I wouldn't have even placed last year. 130th out of 309 people. Still, closer to the top half than the bottom half!
So all in all, what a great week and weekend. I am so excited about how I'm feeling, not just physically strong (a tad bit of knee pain this morning during my easy 2 miles but no pain at all yesterday) but also mentally strong. Spiritually strong.
A force to be reckoned with. When I'm focused, that is.
Stay focused friends. Sorry for the long post - if you're still here, thanks for riding along.
~Clara
I wondered how I would feel reporting to the world today about everything. My most recent weigh in, the crazy hilly race yesterday, how I was doing with my eating.
Well, I am very happy to say that I have good news. On ALL fronts.
As you know I spent much of September losing and gaining the same 3 pounds. Well, I have finally released them forever. Well, Mandisa says released - she says you shouldn't say lost as you really don't want to find them. But maybe since released sounds kinda gross I will say exterminated. Wait. Not much better.
Back to the point, I am excited that I've lost another 2 pounds past my 100 pound mark. I'm solidly 183 now. I honestly don't remember the last time I was there and actually stayed there. Probably around that weight when we got married, but again, I gained it back quickly. Stopping your program will do that to you.
Duh, right?
This weigh in was great as last Sunday I weighed 185.8 and it sucked. I was so miserable about it, but I faithfully reported it to my Body Bugg program and waited while it told me I must be sneaking oreos. Really, it just adjusts your intake amount for the last week and accuses you of eating way more than you tracked. Not very fair I felt, though this week it ended up jacking my intake down saying I had eaten less than I reported since I lost 2.6 pounds. It is making me realize that while losing weight is scientific (less calories in, more calories burned), it isn't a one-size-fits-all perfect, fault-proof science. Although when I really think about it, here is what I've come to realize.
If I compare my calories this week to those of weeks prior, the amount I ate wasn't necessarily that different.
It was QUALITY.
Not Quantity.
Sick of hearing that quality is more important than quantity? Yeah, me too. But bear with me here.
Want to know the difference between this week and other weeks?
I ate BETTER food. Healthier. Got in my fruit and veggie servings. AND my daily dark chocolate.
And I didn't crave weird junk food. Dessert still taunted me at that buffet I was telling you about the other day (the one with the white devil pasta). But I conquered it.
And again, I'm that much stronger.
So what's the "secret?" There really isn't just one thing. It's a combination of good choices that moves you in the direction of success. And if something isn't working, its time to re-evaluate, get dead honest with yourself and change something. Anything. Shock your body for once. Get it out of its routine.
My break did that for me - not only giving my knee time to heal, but giving me a chance to rest and reset. I needed a brain break too I think.
One choice I made this week was going daily with my chocolate again. Dark chocolate every day is going to have to be my thing. In fact, the dark chocolate of choice has been those mini-york peppermint patties. Oh my heaven. Just one tiny one is enough to satiate me. 50 calories of happiness. And during the day I've been fine since I started doing that regularly again. Worth it.
Another choice was making sure I got my water in - and planning my meals and sticking to my plan.
More choices - my activity. I ran Monday morning, did Tae Bo on Tuesday night, ran Wednesday morning and did Zumba Wednesday night, then ran again Thursday and took Friday off as a rest day before my 5k race Saturday. Yeah, pretty active week. And I'm planning another one right behind it. Because my body is responding well to it.
My focus has been a little off lately. I've been focusing on the scale not moving, my cravings being out of whack, and wondering if I'd ever get under 185 for serious.
What got me back into my groove was putting my eyes back on the small steps that it will take for me to meet my goal. Each time I exercised. That much closer. Every healthier food choice. That much closer. Every blog post where I'm pouring my heart out to potentially no one but its still cathartic...That much closer.
Let's talk about the race yesterday. I will likely get misty eyed.
I ran my best race time EVER. 32:16. This same race last year, I ran in 40:04. What a difference a year makes. Check out the difference in the two photos:
 |
| June 2010 - October 2011 1st 5k race vs 7th 5k race |
 |
| Champions of Hope race 2010 vs 2011 40 pounds lighter |
At the start line I was nervous as usual. Unsure of myself and my ability. But all week I had felt this freakish determination like I was going to kill this race. I had no idea how, as I knew it was the hardest race I'd ever run. They even changed the course but talking it over with someone before hand it didn't change for the "easier." Just multiple, different hills. Fortunately no time to be nervous.
I looked around and instantly felt overwhelmed with emotion.
 |
| Everyone wore these - and several had more than one name on it like mine did. |
I had the same experiences as before, but kept telling myself - this is MY race, not the person who just passed me. That helps me pace so much. I know many people burn out toward the end. Sure enough in the last mile I began passing people like crazy. People who had stopped to walk. People way skinnier and fit-looking than me. I hoped they couldn't hear me wheezing.
The last hill was murder. Then I pictured my friend Irene and could hear her saying "Go Clara" in her Staten Island accent. Literally a minute later "I Run for Life" by Melissa Etheridge came on the playlist. PERFECT timing. I zoomed past people going uphill. I knew we were nearing the end.
When you round the last turn the finish line is still .2 miles away, but you can see it clearly. I poured out all I had and then realized the clock said 31 something. Now, I wear a Garmin, so I could have done the math myself, but I was so focused, I hadn't looked down in awhile. I burned it across the finish line, amazed as I realized it was my fastest 5k EVER.
Faster than I'd even run one in my non hilly neighborhood.
I can only credit sheer and utter focus and determination. Oh, and the people praying for me (thanks!). Seriously, I've never been more elated with a finish. And my hubby got a great picture too.
 |
| Wish I had seen my hubby and daughter - I might have smiled and waved! the time says 32:24 but my official chip time was 32:16 due to how long it was after they said "go" and I had not yet crossed the starting line. |
So all in all, what a great week and weekend. I am so excited about how I'm feeling, not just physically strong (a tad bit of knee pain this morning during my easy 2 miles but no pain at all yesterday) but also mentally strong. Spiritually strong.
A force to be reckoned with. When I'm focused, that is.
Stay focused friends. Sorry for the long post - if you're still here, thanks for riding along.
~Clara
Friday, October 14, 2011
Running with a Purpose
This blog post started in my mind over a week ago. I was struck then with the memory of a dear friend while I was folding clothes.
I came upon a pair of running tights I bought recently that were made by Under Armor and have the pink breast cancer ribbon on them. I thought I might wear them at the upcoming Champions of Hope race in Dothan to raise money for cancer research depending on the weather. It made me think of my friend Irene.
I met Irene when I was a kid, honestly I’m not sure how old because it feels like I always knew her. She was the thirty-something single lady who lived across the street from us with her dad. We always waved and her dad would give my older brothers ice cream every now and then but that was the extent of the earlier friendship. After her father passed away, Irene stayed in the house and eventually bought a dog, a little white bichon frise named Powder Puff. I fell in love with that dog and it drew me to Irene, so we became friends. She tolerated me, tried to teach me to sew (unsuccessfully but really, it is just not one of my talents), kept me busy by giving me math problems, playing board games with me and sometimes we cleaned together between sips of saspirilla. From Staten Island, she had a wit and spunk about her and could dish out the sass as well as take it. She went on amazing trips and always brought something back for me and Liz. She loved to laugh and tell stories. Her stories were the best.
Irene always told me she was 18. And I believed her.
When I was 10, Irene was diagnosed with breast cancer. It happened pretty quickly and my parents and Irene shielded me from much of the details. I don’t recall her being extremely ill. She was always an upbeat and positive woman, full of life. She had a mastectomy, and shortly after her treatments were finished she became engaged to a man she had dated on and off for several decades. They were married when I was 12 and my best friend, Liz, and I were her Jr. Bridesmaids. What an experience that was for a kid. Irene sewed our dresses herself.
My family moved away that next year and I only saw Irene a handful of times after that. Liz kept me updated as to how she was doing and I would call and catch up with Irene from time to time. But life as a teenager kept me busy and in trouble, so I didn’t make the time I now wish I had.
When I was 21, I married the most amazing man ever. I had been in quite a few weddings up to that point, and I loved dearly the girlfriends I had made. But I felt strongly about having just 2 people in my wedding party, as we were also having it in a tiny church. Irene and Liz. I wanted to look back at those pictures and be just as close to the people in my pictures later in life as I was on that day. Liz has been my best friend since we were 6 months old (we still talk about once a month). It being a busy day I hardly noticed how gaunt Irene had become and she is simply beaming beautifully in all of the photos.
Irene battled the cancer on and off for about 10 years total. I never really knew how sick she was, as she always managed to be smiling, even when she was walking with a cane and she rarely talked about her illness. Her cancer had spread to her bones and eventually everywhere else and I remember her telling me one night on the phone that it would be easier for her to tell me now where the cancer was not, rather than where it was.
We lost Irene on August 28, 2002. I was totally unprepared for it. I had only lost my Mom’s parents at that point in my life, and while I definitely mourned those losses, I was closer to Irene than anyone else I had lost in my lifetime. My grandparents had lived so far away and she had been just across the street. I remember being upset that she hadn’t told me how poorly she was doing; but that was her way. I didn’t have my daughter until December 2003. While Irene could not have known when we were planning to start a family, she began cross stitching bibs for my baby. I have 2 finished and 1 half finished bib in a frame that her best friend sent me after she passed.
I share all of this with you to honor the memory of my beautiful friend, Irene. She fought her cancer with dignity and strength. She smiled in spite of her pain and pressed on in spite of her diagnosis. She had to have known her prognosis but she lived life in spite of that. And she fought every day.
When I run that race tomorrow, she will be heavy on my heart and steady in my mind.
When it gets tough going up the incredibly hilly course and my lungs are screaming and legs begging me to stop I’m going to remember that I CAN keep on going.
Because I’m sure Irene, along with others who have lost their lives to cancer, like the my friend's sister, the amazing and inspiring Shannon, would have given anything to keep on going, to keep on living, to keep on fighting. They don’t have the choice to push through the pain anymore. I do.
And as long as I physically can, I plan to do just that.
How can we glean inspiration from suffering? Ask yourself this question.
Why waste time not living your life when so many have or had less years to live than you?
Get out there and do something for your health. You only get one time around at this living thing. One body, one temple to treat well. Every choice is one that may extend your life or shorten it. Don’t waste it. I’m sure none of these warriors who have gone before us would want that for you.
This run is for you, my dear friend. I love you and miss you, Irene Garbarini-Kinsella.
Clara
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
A Break, a Battle and Boots
Well, folks, here I am again - sans pictures. PLEASE forgive me. I need to take some but my mornings are hectic enough as it is! Maybe tomorrow...or maybe Friday as I don't plan on running in the morning that day.
I haven't posted since my Pause...or break from exercise for a week.
I honestly thought I would go stir crazy that 7 days off. I was absolutely dying to do something, anything. I stopped myself from hitting the floor in my office to do pushups one day. It wouldn't have hurt, but once I start something a certain way, I like to finish it as planned.
And finish it I did.
The I had a glorious run the following Sunday. It felt wonderful to be back out there!
Please know, in a million years, I never imagined I would *miss* exercising. I thought, 2 years ago, that I could die happy with my butt firmly planted on my sofa. I really, honestly, truly missed my exercise and the wonderful endorphins, and sleep, that come along with doing it regularly.
I was sleepy, grumpy and downright fidgety! I stayed up later and didn't sleep as well.
So it took me about a week to recover from my "reset." How ironic is that? BUT I think it worked.
After reaching 100 pounds down at the end of August, September was a battle between the same 3 pounds. I lost it, I gained it. I lost it again, gained it again. It was really annoying as I kept dipping below the 100 pounds mark which was NOT cool.
I got back to 100.2 down last weekend (yay) and then today am down another .8. FINALLY. The scale is moving again.
I'm just now back to my regularly scheduled activity. Some other life things have gotten in the way. I took a good 3 weeks total off of Zumba (wow, did I miss that!) due to my knee then my rest time, and had my first night back tonight. It was awesome! I think I might need to get help to make it to my bed as I feel myself stiffening up but wow, I am glad to be back at it. Also, my daughter started soccer games and since they are 2 towns away from where I work (really 3 if you count 2 smaller towns in between!) I have to leave early from work to make it to one game per week. I also traveled for more than half of last week though I did my duty and tested out the hotel treadmill one morning. I did a hill workout for the first time. Holy CANOLI! It kicked my tail.
I have to tell you, eating has been an interesting battle for me lately. I've found myself having "aha" moments again.
You might wonder, after 2 years and a month of healthy living/eating/consistent weight loss, why in the world do I need to still have "aha" moments?
Because I'm not "fixed" people.
Am I likely to gain 100 pounds back?
No. Because I lost it so slowly. And I got rid of all my fat clothes. :)
But could I stop right here, at 184 and not lose another pound and battle the same 5 pounds FOREVER?
Absolutely.
It's almost harder not "looking" fat anymore. I look semi-normal. Since so many Americans are overweight I guess I look even more normal than I would have were it 1980 when we were healthier as a whole. So because I don't have to shop plus sizes and I can wear designer jeans, it is THAT MUCH HARDER to stay focused.
This reset came at a great time. I needed rest, time to think, and the opportunity to get underneath the things that have been making it hard for me in September to lose even a freaking pound!
I was talking to a co-worker yesterday as I needed to be talked out of going and snacking on a treat we had in the office - double-dipped chocolate coated peanuts. I desperately needed immediate help and accountability. I don't really like those and they aren't dark chocolate. But a few weeks ago, I ate half a bag of chocolate coated pecans. Completely unnecessary but they were there! UGH.
As we were talking about it, we discussed a bunch of stuff about food, etc. Next thing you know, I wasn't even thinking about the peanuts.
I've been allowing myself just a bit of this here and there, and that is ok. But it had gotten out of control and I found myself eating desserts several times a week. And all kinds of stuff, not even things I really like. I'm a chocolate girl, so why was I going after other junk?
I forgot how good and empowering it felt to say "no thank you" and walk away. How triumphant it was to lose weight the week of Thanksgiving, 2 years in a row when people normally gain. To end each year the last 2 years with less weight on me than I began it with.
Avoiding those chocolate peanuts was empowering. Today they didn't even taunt me. But I had other issues to face - a buffet. I went to a lunch meeting and the options were spaghetti with meat sauce (white pasta), chicken fettuccine alfredo, garlic toast and sauteed vegetables.
I had a very small (maybe 1/8 of a cup) of pasta with meat sauce, then a tiny serving of the fettuccine alfredo...no bread and a huge helping of veggies. In hindsight, I should have just opted for the veggies and poured the meat sauce on top. Ah, hindsight.
There was a dessert on the table as well - a pudding looking creamy thing with pineapple and some kind of graham crust at the bottom. A friend tried it and told me it was lemon. That was easy for me to avoid.
And yet it taunted me.
You see, I will always battle food addiction. Giving in to temptation, eating too much, and eating poorly feels good for the moment. The after effects are terrible.
But most "sin" feels good. I just happen to be recovering from gluttony.
It's such a gross word, but it is absolutely true.
My friend Jessica recently wrote in her blog about getting her groove back. Check it out here: Jessica's Blog. Something she says in it clicked for me. She was talking about eating dark chocolate every day and how that seemed to stave off cravings.
I have gotten out of the habit of eating my dark chocolate! Gasp! It makes so much sense. When I gave it up earlier this year for 40 days, it was TOUGH and I found myself craving all kinds of strange stuff - food (or junk pretending it is food - haha) of all types, the nastier and greasier the better. I remember thinking that fast in the long run wasn't good for my health - and you would think it would be giving up something like chocolate.
But if dark chocolate every day has helped me lose 101 pounds, then why have I gotten out of the habit?
Well, I stopped keeping it at work. Because as soon as things got stressful I could mow through half a bag of dark chocolate kisses. Then I stopped eating it at home. I just got out of the habit.
And healthy habits, my friends, is how it is done. A combination of healthy habits that is. And sometimes just breaking one habit can throw everything off kilter.
Trust me. I needed a V8 in September something fierce.
I know I say this over and over again, but I am so thankful for the learning along the way in this journey. I feel so much more empowered and ready to fight the next battle every time I win one. I can rethink my strategy, alter my game plan, and get back out on the field.
The other option is giving up and being happy with my "overweight" BMI and mostly normal looking body.
Nah. I'm excited to keep peeling the layers back. And I'm that much stronger and determined to WIN this weight loss war once and for all. I don't know if I'll go down 1 or 2 more sizes. 20 or 30 more pounds. It all just depends on how my body feels, what my body fat is and how I feel about how I look.
It definitely won't be dependent on whether or not I can zip a pair of stupid boots up my calves. My calves are 15.5 inches wide and rock SOLID (yes, I promise a picture!). There is hardly ANY fat on that part of my leg. But it appears that knee high boots, or even calf height boots are made for 12 inch calves or smaller. NOT cool. I'm on the hunt for wide calf boots (and by the way, I tried on a pair claiming to be for wide calves - yeah, no). I do own a pair that do fit me, fortunately, but I want a brown pair and they are black. If anyone has good recommendations please hook me up and I'll share it with my followers who are in similar plights.
Maybe we'll start a club. From Cows to Calves or something like that.
All that said, this sista is not done yet. I'm just getting started. Because even when I reach my goal I won't be "done." I'm in this fight for the long haul, as long as I am breathing. And now I can say I'm fighting it even harder than before. I'm that much stronger.
Who's with me?
Clara
I haven't posted since my Pause...or break from exercise for a week.
I honestly thought I would go stir crazy that 7 days off. I was absolutely dying to do something, anything. I stopped myself from hitting the floor in my office to do pushups one day. It wouldn't have hurt, but once I start something a certain way, I like to finish it as planned.
And finish it I did.
The I had a glorious run the following Sunday. It felt wonderful to be back out there!
Please know, in a million years, I never imagined I would *miss* exercising. I thought, 2 years ago, that I could die happy with my butt firmly planted on my sofa. I really, honestly, truly missed my exercise and the wonderful endorphins, and sleep, that come along with doing it regularly.
I was sleepy, grumpy and downright fidgety! I stayed up later and didn't sleep as well.
So it took me about a week to recover from my "reset." How ironic is that? BUT I think it worked.
After reaching 100 pounds down at the end of August, September was a battle between the same 3 pounds. I lost it, I gained it. I lost it again, gained it again. It was really annoying as I kept dipping below the 100 pounds mark which was NOT cool.
I got back to 100.2 down last weekend (yay) and then today am down another .8. FINALLY. The scale is moving again.
I'm just now back to my regularly scheduled activity. Some other life things have gotten in the way. I took a good 3 weeks total off of Zumba (wow, did I miss that!) due to my knee then my rest time, and had my first night back tonight. It was awesome! I think I might need to get help to make it to my bed as I feel myself stiffening up but wow, I am glad to be back at it. Also, my daughter started soccer games and since they are 2 towns away from where I work (really 3 if you count 2 smaller towns in between!) I have to leave early from work to make it to one game per week. I also traveled for more than half of last week though I did my duty and tested out the hotel treadmill one morning. I did a hill workout for the first time. Holy CANOLI! It kicked my tail.
I have to tell you, eating has been an interesting battle for me lately. I've found myself having "aha" moments again.
You might wonder, after 2 years and a month of healthy living/eating/consistent weight loss, why in the world do I need to still have "aha" moments?
Because I'm not "fixed" people.
Am I likely to gain 100 pounds back?
No. Because I lost it so slowly. And I got rid of all my fat clothes. :)
But could I stop right here, at 184 and not lose another pound and battle the same 5 pounds FOREVER?
Absolutely.
It's almost harder not "looking" fat anymore. I look semi-normal. Since so many Americans are overweight I guess I look even more normal than I would have were it 1980 when we were healthier as a whole. So because I don't have to shop plus sizes and I can wear designer jeans, it is THAT MUCH HARDER to stay focused.
This reset came at a great time. I needed rest, time to think, and the opportunity to get underneath the things that have been making it hard for me in September to lose even a freaking pound!
I was talking to a co-worker yesterday as I needed to be talked out of going and snacking on a treat we had in the office - double-dipped chocolate coated peanuts. I desperately needed immediate help and accountability. I don't really like those and they aren't dark chocolate. But a few weeks ago, I ate half a bag of chocolate coated pecans. Completely unnecessary but they were there! UGH.
As we were talking about it, we discussed a bunch of stuff about food, etc. Next thing you know, I wasn't even thinking about the peanuts.
I've been allowing myself just a bit of this here and there, and that is ok. But it had gotten out of control and I found myself eating desserts several times a week. And all kinds of stuff, not even things I really like. I'm a chocolate girl, so why was I going after other junk?
I forgot how good and empowering it felt to say "no thank you" and walk away. How triumphant it was to lose weight the week of Thanksgiving, 2 years in a row when people normally gain. To end each year the last 2 years with less weight on me than I began it with.
Avoiding those chocolate peanuts was empowering. Today they didn't even taunt me. But I had other issues to face - a buffet. I went to a lunch meeting and the options were spaghetti with meat sauce (white pasta), chicken fettuccine alfredo, garlic toast and sauteed vegetables.
I had a very small (maybe 1/8 of a cup) of pasta with meat sauce, then a tiny serving of the fettuccine alfredo...no bread and a huge helping of veggies. In hindsight, I should have just opted for the veggies and poured the meat sauce on top. Ah, hindsight.
There was a dessert on the table as well - a pudding looking creamy thing with pineapple and some kind of graham crust at the bottom. A friend tried it and told me it was lemon. That was easy for me to avoid.
And yet it taunted me.
You see, I will always battle food addiction. Giving in to temptation, eating too much, and eating poorly feels good for the moment. The after effects are terrible.
But most "sin" feels good. I just happen to be recovering from gluttony.
It's such a gross word, but it is absolutely true.
My friend Jessica recently wrote in her blog about getting her groove back. Check it out here: Jessica's Blog. Something she says in it clicked for me. She was talking about eating dark chocolate every day and how that seemed to stave off cravings.
I have gotten out of the habit of eating my dark chocolate! Gasp! It makes so much sense. When I gave it up earlier this year for 40 days, it was TOUGH and I found myself craving all kinds of strange stuff - food (or junk pretending it is food - haha) of all types, the nastier and greasier the better. I remember thinking that fast in the long run wasn't good for my health - and you would think it would be giving up something like chocolate.
But if dark chocolate every day has helped me lose 101 pounds, then why have I gotten out of the habit?
Well, I stopped keeping it at work. Because as soon as things got stressful I could mow through half a bag of dark chocolate kisses. Then I stopped eating it at home. I just got out of the habit.
And healthy habits, my friends, is how it is done. A combination of healthy habits that is. And sometimes just breaking one habit can throw everything off kilter.
Trust me. I needed a V8 in September something fierce.
I know I say this over and over again, but I am so thankful for the learning along the way in this journey. I feel so much more empowered and ready to fight the next battle every time I win one. I can rethink my strategy, alter my game plan, and get back out on the field.
The other option is giving up and being happy with my "overweight" BMI and mostly normal looking body.
Nah. I'm excited to keep peeling the layers back. And I'm that much stronger and determined to WIN this weight loss war once and for all. I don't know if I'll go down 1 or 2 more sizes. 20 or 30 more pounds. It all just depends on how my body feels, what my body fat is and how I feel about how I look.
It definitely won't be dependent on whether or not I can zip a pair of stupid boots up my calves. My calves are 15.5 inches wide and rock SOLID (yes, I promise a picture!). There is hardly ANY fat on that part of my leg. But it appears that knee high boots, or even calf height boots are made for 12 inch calves or smaller. NOT cool. I'm on the hunt for wide calf boots (and by the way, I tried on a pair claiming to be for wide calves - yeah, no). I do own a pair that do fit me, fortunately, but I want a brown pair and they are black. If anyone has good recommendations please hook me up and I'll share it with my followers who are in similar plights.
Maybe we'll start a club. From Cows to Calves or something like that.
All that said, this sista is not done yet. I'm just getting started. Because even when I reach my goal I won't be "done." I'm in this fight for the long haul, as long as I am breathing. And now I can say I'm fighting it even harder than before. I'm that much stronger.
Who's with me?
Clara
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